BECOMING AN OCTOGENARIAN

The Years Fly By

On Christmas Day 2022, I became an official Octogenarian. It took me a while to write this and admit to it. You might get a kick out of how I celebrated it.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you could hardly wait to be a teenager? When you were a teenager, twenty-one seemed like it would be wonderful. When I turned twenty-one, I’d already been married for two years and finished college. I certainly don’t remember looking forward to being 30, 40, or 50. And what happened to the ‘60s or ‘70s? They just flew by. But turning 80, was something to be celebrated.

Being a Christmas baby, and sharing the date with Jesus, I thought it quite special. The family was always together on that day, by default, even if it wasn’t about my birthday.

I can count on one hand the number of official birthday parties I had. So for my 75th, I planned five different parties for myself with groups of women from various parts of my life. The theme was Fake Wake. Guests were asked to come dressed in black and be prepared to say something about the ‘dearly demented’. I planned games and lunch and each party proved ridiculously fun. There’s nothing like hearing your eulogy from your friends while you can still laugh about it.

Turning 80 called for something crazier and more fun. Guests were required to come dressed in workout clothes and the venue was the gym where I workout most days. Sure, some of them whined, but I have friends ranging from under 50 to over 90 years old. One 91-year-old friend came wearing her pajamas. She admitted, “I work out in bed before I get up. I don’t want to hurt myself.”

We warmed up on the mat and worked out to cowboy Christmas music. Lunch was catered, and I put on what I called the Karen Show. I pulled out a few jokes from my standup days, had a couple of speakers who worked with me for years, read a Christmas poem, and had a retired opera singer lead the carols. Instead of gifts, I asked that they each purchase at least one of my books. The money went to Rady Children’s Hospital in San Diego where my grandson was treated for brain cancer when he was four years old. We were able to raise over $600 that day.

The workout party was a blast. A real surprise happened two days later when my daughter and grandkids from Montana showed up. The announcement that they were staying for ten days swept me off my feet. Then my sister from Fresno arrived. She knew we already had a house full, so she brought her own bed, pillow, sheets, towels, washcloths, food, and wine and camped right in the middle of the living room. What a crazy fun time we had!

Another year has passed and we are a three-quarter way through 2024. I’m 81, and it seems like Fridays roll around so quickly, it will be Christmas again before I finish all this year’s projects. Suddenly, I’ll be 82.

I don’t know what I’ll do for my 85th. My sister had her 50th birthday at a skating rink, but I don’t think I’ll be up for that. What do old people do for birthdays? Maybe we can take out our dentures and have a whistling contest? Or play bumper cars with wheelchairs? Any ideas?

(Under the title, is a photo of my favorite birthday card. It was from my daughter, Jodi who had a massive stroke in 2019. She had to do that with her left hand. Her life is a miracle.)