BACKHOE – HO HO HO!!!

Rooting for the Backhoe!

Usually, when I look out this window, I see one of our four beautiful sycamore trees and green grass. Thirty-four years ago, we planted four sycamores, each about as big around as my thumb, about forty feet from each corner of the house.

Two years ago, the guest shower backed up and wouldn’t drain. With our daughter and granddaughter here, we figured it was their long hair clogging it up. When a snake was run down the drain, a gob of shredded roots was all that came out.

That chunk of root was just the beginning. When the plumber came with his equipment that looked down all the drains, he found other places where the roots had lifted pipes that would soon break altogether. Fixing the problem meant ripping up the bedroom carpet and jackhammering the floor to replace pipes. Oh yes, the shower had to be jack-hammered up as well.

Here’s a photo of the hole in the bedroom floor. It was the perfect size to bury a body, but I didn’t know anyone who would be willing to climb in. It made me think of a pretty crazy plot for a novel in the thriller genre.

It took four days to complete the job, but the most painful part was writing a check for $23,000. The plumbers were great guys, and I fed them all apple pie on the patio when they finished. The project manager assured us, “You are as good as new. You won’t need us again for twenty years.” We hated to see them go.

Two months later, I started hearing a little hissing noise. Barry couldn’t hear it, so I called the plumber with the exploratory equipment back. Our drains were all good, but our old copper water pipes underneath our cement slab were degraded and leaking. Back came the same crew who we hoped we’d never see in a professional capacity again. We didn’t figure we’d live another 20 years.

All of our water pipes needed to be rerouted into the attic. That called for cutting twenty-five holes in the walls. Yes, I said twenty-five. That took another four days and a check for $18,000. Two guys followed and patched all the holes.

For the past ten years, Barry has chopped away at every root that exposed itself in the yard. “Hey, Paul Bunyan, give up the ax and come in for a rest.” He forgets he’s 80 years old, and he’s out there swinging that axe like a lumberjack.

He must have decided that he’d had enough of root rousting because last week a guy in a huge backhoe showed up. In another four days, he had backhoed both front and back yards. At first, it was just a ditch around both yards. Then it was more.

The neighbor across the street texted, “That must be one huge gopher you’re after.” I texted back, “No, we buried a bag of gold some years ago, and now we can’t remember where.” Someone else stopped by to inquire about our project. I told them we were building a moat. They drove off with a puzzled look.

Now what? Will the trees fall with half of their roots gone? Or will they go on hyper-growth and make new roots overnight like in a Sci-fi movie where the roots take over the house and lift it right off the ground (a tree house)? Should we take the trees down and leave us defenseless from the sun?

This is only one pile of roots. There were more, and some roots were as big around as my leg.

Those trees have been rooting around under the ground for 35 years. Our place will look naked without our beautiful shade trees.

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A ditch all around

Like a waterless moat

One day’s work

Was the ditch diggers’ quote

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Four days later

Piles of roots

Need a guy with a truck

And a crew of recruits

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Another big check

It’s only money

What shall we do?

This isn’t funny.

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A landscaper next?

Another big check

I look at the mess, and say,

“What the heck?”

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My advice to you

Don’t plant a sycamore

Their roots are inciduous

Wish we’d known, before.

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