THREE GENERATIONS

What's a Matriarch?

My daughter, Jodi, and granddaughter, Bailey, are visiting from Montana, and it got me thinking . . .

I’m the Matriarch of our family. There are only nine of us, so my kingdom isn’t too impressive. But after more research I discovered that being the matriarch is more far- reaching. According to AI “being a matriarch is an honorary, flexible role that often naturally extends to your wider family—including your grandchildren, nieces, nephews, siblings, and the broader community. It is defined by the wisdom, care, and guidance you provide.” Huh?

So, that means, since I am the oldest daughter of my parents, who are both deceased, I am the matriarch over my two kids and their spouses, my three grandkids, my younger sister, her two sons, their wives, and their five children. Wow! That’s eighteen people. Now here’s the rub. I don’t know where that leaves my husband. I asked AI is my second husband who I’ve been married to for 54 years today, but didn’t sire my kids, considered the Patriarch?

Here’s the AI answer: “Yes, your second husband can still be considered the patriarch. Because "patriarch" generally translates to "father of the race" or the leading male figure of a family, the title is traditionally defined by his role as the senior male head of the household, his age and experience, and his presence as a leader, rather than strictly by his biological lineage.” Wow, who knew?

Well, truth be known, back in the day when families stayed together, I imagine the position of matriarch and patriarch meant something. I’ve been a Matriarch for twelve years and I had no idea what the expectations were. I have failed miserably.

What a Matriarch Does

• Fosters Connection: Unifies extended family members by organizing traditions, gatherings, and communication. (We do have a reunion every three years, but it is for the more expanded family of cousins. Not just for my realm.)

• Nurtures and Empowers: Offers emotional support, empathy, and encouragement to help family members thrive. (I have attended some plays, sports events, BarMitzva, B’not Mitzvahs, graduations, hospital stays, and Christmases. We’re kind of spread out with some in So.Cal, some in Fresno area, and some in Montana.)

• Leads Collaboratively: Promotes shared decision-making and mutual responsibility rather than strict top-down control. (I haven’t taken a leadership position in any of their lives, and I doubt that any of them would think to come to me for advice or wisdom, even though I would be blessed if they did. Some of the great nieces and nephews hardly know me.)

• Preserves Values: Passes down stories, cultural heritage, and life lessons to the younger generation. (I’ve written books, Christmas letters, and cards that express my values, but to my knowledge most of my subjects haven’t taken an interest in my work.)

Now I ask myself, is it too late to have an influence over grandkids who are all mid-twenties or great nieces and nephews who are mostly college age? My sister, her kids, and my nieces and nephews live five hours away. One of the requirements mentioned planning zoom meetings. Interesting. I have done that, but I didn’t include the younger generation. And I doubt that any of them see me as their source of wisdom. In fact, a standup comedian and a cowboy, horseshoeing, firefighter may not be perceived as eligable for such an honor.

I just read a book titled Dailey Resolve and it has really stirred me up. Back to the first century the older women in the church held the position of deaconesses. They were honored and respected for their wisdom and position in the church. Phoebe was mentioned in Romans as one of the first in the Bible. By 1960, deaconesses had been replaced, their position eliminated, and older women often feel insignificant.

Matriarchs were pushed aside and forgotten. A great movie titled THE WAR ROOM told the story of an older woman who created a room she called her War Room where she went to pray each day for those who had various needs. Her consistent prayers touched the heart of God and people’s lives were changed. I’m thinking about starting my own War Room where I can actively talk to God about the lives of the eighteen people in my kingdom, and others in need. I can write some letters of encouragement to each of them and call down God’s blessing on each of them. Now that I’ve realized the responsibilities of the Matriarch, I’ve got to get going. This is serious business!

Who is the Matriarch in your family and does she know of the expectations?

P.S. My daughter, granddaughter, and I went to the movies last week. We had a nice lunch, so our tummies were full and the movie was a little slow. (Sheep Detectives) In unison we practiced intermittent snoozing. Three generations at rest. Great bonding activity.

Stay tuned.